Self Leadership

Where does leadership begin? Leadership begins “at home.”

In previous publications, I described the concept of signals. Workers interpret signals to understand what leaders think is important and of value to the business. Alternatively, leaders use signals to convey important messages to those in the organization. Effective leaders are deliberate (intentional) about the messages they send.

The aptitude to send on-point messages and simultaneously avoid harmful communication is a skill; this is a skill demonstrated by one’s capacity to lead oneself. Self-leadership is connected to the concept of Emotional Intelligence. Unlike cognitive smarts (the traditional view of intelligence or IQ), emotional intelligence describes one’s ability to relate to others.¹ Goleman (1995) ¹ defines Emotional Intelligence as having the following dimensions – managing self and managing social relationships. Connected to these intelligences are certain behaviors, such as being able to sense and respond to others’ needs along with adaptability to manage conflicts. Another important element is self-awareness (described in previous publications), which includes the strength to view oneself realistically, flaws and all.¹

The important thing about emotional intelligence (EI) is that it can be learned through training and other types of interventions.¹ Self-leadership, a parallel to EI abilities, is an important success ingredient. Leaders are human and perfection is not expected, nevertheless, these skills can assist the leader in handling a myriad of day-to-day episodes and, for the most part, keep them on task in driving the business forward.

One of the most difficult yet important workings of handling conflicts with other parties is remaining focused on the outcomes – substantive and relationship. As a member of an organization, it is often important that long-term relationships are preserved when conflict occurs while simultaneously gaining a win on the issue. This is not easy; a normal reaction when “under attack” is to respond personally and emotionally and focus solely on the “win.” However, by redirecting attention to outcomes, rather than just the specific issues at hand, it channels the leader toward a more collaborative engagement, whereby a solution is sought that reaches a positive gain for everyone.

I recall an incident between an organization and its service vendor: In an open meeting, a senior member from the vendor “attacked” the veracity of the organization’s concerns. The leader from the organization exhibited EI in his response. That is, instead of responding in kind and escalating the situation, he chose to ask probing questions about the vendor’s position; this reaction dissipated the tension and enabled a more objective dialogue about the challenges both organizations were facing. This led to a mutual problem-solving effort rather than a zero sum focus.  Based on the vendor’s “attack,” would the leader have been justified to respond aggressively and defensively? The answer is probably “yes,” but it would have escalated a conflict that ultimately may have prevented the building of a more solid relationship. Leaders need to have the skill to override natural human emotional tendencies; this is representative of self-leadership and EI.

Consider another incident between two senior leaders within an organization that chose a different path; they allowed their conflict to escalate, resulting in several months of not talking to each other. Of course, this became damaging to the organization and eventually required an intervention from their leader.

Usually when organizations are going through revolutionary change, emotions run high and resistance is normal and expected. Of course, to move forward, dramatic changes may be necessary. Leaders need to make decisions about how to execute a change. Imagine a leader, after hours and hours of planning and obtaining input from all levels of the organization, decides a course of action. But when he or she presents the decisions to the same group, he or she is met with strong resistance and negative outbursts. How should the leader respond? Should he or she say, “Suck it up, we are doing this anyway?” Or should the leader listen and learn the concerns and then make an effort to address them? If a leader becomes angry and defensive rather than holding his/her temper, there may be far greater negative consequences.

Science has confirmed that much of our behaviors spawn from our subconscious.² Having a higher degree of self-awareness, including the capability to feel surging emotions in advance of a reaction, can lead to a prevention of an outburst. Outbursts rarely are the right way to go for a leader. While the common response is to defend and “win,” it often does not help the cause. 

Self-leadership also applies to how a leader carries him or herself in the day-to-day running of the business. As described in earlier posts, leaders are always onstage; workers and colleagues carefully watch actual behaviors and these observations provide example how to behave. In other words, one of the more important characteristics of a successful leader is the ability to act; in fact, acting lessons are warranted. This is not a suggestion that leaders be disingenuous. However, it is a suggestion that leaders behave true to themselves but not necessarily reveal all of their cognitive and emotional feelings if it harms the attainment of a desired outcome. Once again, leaders need to be adaptive and deliberate in what they do. Is this easy? No. But self-leadership and Emotional Intelligence can be learned and one can make it governing in day-to-day behaviors.

Self-leadership is a vital skill, and Emotional Intelligence defines the range of behaviors that make up leading oneself. Leadership starts at home.

Please feel free to make comments.

References

 ¹ Goleman, D. (1995). Emotional Intelligence. New York, New York: Bantam Books.

² Kets de Vries, M., & Engellau, E. (2010). A Clinical Approach to the Dynamics of Leadership and Executive Transformation in N. Nohria & R. Khurana (Eds.), Handbook of Leadership Theory and Practice (Vol. 183-222). Boston: Harvard Business Press.